Measure of a Man

I wasn’t planning on posting this tonight, but, I had this idea and it couldn’t wait until morning. The idea is to create a bi-monthly series that features men from times past who were influential in their own right. These men won’t necessarily be style icons or have had any impact in the world of fashion. They will be great men who’ve left their mark for others to be inspired and follow.

That’s the purpose of this site anyway, right? To “cultivate the image of men”. With that being said, I hope you enjoy.

The first Gentleman in this series is Alexandre Dumas, the French writer most famously known for his work “The Three Musketters“ in 1844. I didn’t know the author to The Three Musketeers was of African decent. Guess you learn something new everyday.

Peace and Blessings.

S.O.S.

The ARTisan Cafe

 

This past weekend my lady and I took a short road trip to check out an event called the ARTisan Cafe, which was held at the Plant Zero Art Center in Richmond, Virginia’s Manchester district. The quarterly event promotes local businesses with products such as natural and holistic cosmetics, independent artists and designers, and food.

My girlfriend’s mother runs a business which was also featured at the event called Naokeidoe Creations. Naokeidoe specializes in handmade, all natural men’s and women’s soaps, body oils, deodorants, lotions, and hair care products, just to name a few. (Side note: ever since I started using Naokeidoe products, my skin hasn’t looked or felt this good. Check out the site here).

The event featured a great venue and crowd, live music, and delicious food drinks, and desserts. I love the atmosphere in Richmond, as it gives me a small glimpse of something Hampton Roads doesn’t quite offer: the eclectic, hip crowd that dabbles and dips into more
than beach and college clubs, politics, and military. Hampton Roads has this, but only in rarely advertised, small circles. Whenever I come to Richmond, no matter the length of time, I thoroughly enjoy myself.

I’d like to give thanks and congratulations to the organizers of the Artisan Cafe for a successful event. I’m looking forward to your next event.

Peace.

S.O.S

Just a Quick Word While I’m Tipsy

Gentleman, don’t become a product of you’re environment.

Exceed your boundaries.

That is all.

Father’s Day Edition: My Style of Man

Good morning Gentlemen, and Happy Father’s Day. Today we celebrate the men who have in one form or another provided the seed that has brought about our existence. Even more so, we honor the men who have not only birthed us, but raised and nurtured us physically, emotionally, spiritually, or all the above.

I grew up without a father. I have never known him and in fact, for over half of my life the man who I thought was my father turned out not to be. So many things run through my mind when I think of that man. I hate him for not being there when I needed him. I love him for “creating” me. Though I resent him for being irresponsible and his failure towards commitment, what if he doesn’t know I even exist? I battle with the emotional conflict between forgiveness and hate. Sometimes I feel I think of him more than I would like to, maybe because I’m now more in tune with my manhood. I wonder is he alive, what kind of man he is or was; was he loved or hated and successful in his endeavors. Maybe I am holding on to the idea of who he was or is as a man. Maybe I’m just like him?

The flip side of this coin is this: What I lacked in a biological father was made up 100 times over by the support and love from my mother, her three sisters and four brothers. My mother played the roles of both mother and father, and I firmly believe she was able to teach me how to become a man partly because of how her father raised her (jokingly I’d like to add this made her my judge, jury and executioner!). Sure there were times that some of my life’s lessons may have been better taught by a man. But she did the best she could with what she could, and I love her and appreciate her for it.

I may have went slightly off on to another tangent, partly because this is the first time outside of loved ones I have publicly shared my feelings about my father. Still, I’d like to shout out my Uncles, the four men who helped raise me whether they know it or not. I have and will continue to take from each of them a little something I feel has helped me become a better man and one day, a good father.

My Uncle John and Uncle James (R.I.P.), Uncle Chuck and Uncle Vince. You have taught me so much. I wish that I had pictures of Uncle John and Uncle James or even a better picture of Uncle Chuck and Uncle Vince (I’ll just acquire a few next time I visit my mom). They are great men that directly influenced me. I love you guys.

Growing up I relied on television and literature to show me what life was like outside my hometown of Erie, Pennsylvania. Here are a few of the fictional men I related to as being great fathers in their own regard:

 

Atticus Finch (To Kill A Mockingbird), played by Gregory Peck: Dignified, honest, smart, caring.

 

Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable (The Cosby Show), played by Bill Cosby: Funny, intelligent, wise, loved his wife and kids.

 

Clark Griswold (National Lampoon’s Vacation movies), played by Chevy Chase: Humorous, oblivious, genuine.

 

Uncle Phil (Fresh Prince of Bel Air), played by James Avery: Patriarch, distinguished, strict.

 

Jason ‘Furious’ Styles (Boyz In The Hood), played by Laurence Fishburne: No-nonsense disciplinarian, strong moral beliefs.

One day when I start a family I’ll look down at the face of my newborn son or daughter, and I will think of all the men that came before me. Those men who stood in my shoes, about to take the first of many steps on what I believe to be the most important journey in life: fatherhood. I would like to think two things will come to mind. The first would be how awesome of a dad I am going to be. The second, after thanking God and my wife, will be to thank my mother and father for even making me possible.

Happy Father’s Day, Gentlemen.

Fellow in Style

Check out amanisamanisaman by fellow Gentleman J. He drops knowledge.

amanisamanisaman

I enjoy following fashion.  But I’m all about style.

The difference?  Fashions come and go.  We’ve all been here to witness some wonderful and horrendous fashion outings.  I look at pictures of my friends and me from the late nineties, and some of our clothes make me wince.  I once wore pants that constantly fell off of me and claimed they were more comfortable.  Baggy clothes in general seemed to be a staple (which makes no sense for a constantly thin guy).  Fashion is cyclical.  Everywhere I look, guys are rolling up their pant legs; it reminds me of the rockabilly days, with their Docs and denim and work-shirts.

Style, on the other hand, is ageless.  A stylish man can pull off the current fashions because he has the confidence and know-how to do so.  He also knows when to ditch the fashion which is on its way out the…

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…Do You Validate?

What words, actions, or events constitute a man being a man? Do you have to walk, talk, eat, speak, dress or love a certain way? Would it matter if you were straight, gay, or transgender? Perhaps a straight off the rack guy as opposed to a designer brand shopper? I ask these questions to ask this…does it matter? Does it really matter if I like to get pedicures and/or manicures? Does it matter that I watched Glee? Does the fact that I look at colours differently, or that I’m more emotional about certain things even matter? A woman feels some sort of way because I’m into men’s and women’s fashion just a tad bit more than she is, so does that make me less of a man by today’s standards? Does it matter I just used the word “tad”?

Our society is so stuck on labels, both branded onto our clothes and into our psyche, that sometimes it feels as if a man can’t just be a man anymore. From the day he is born into this world, everyday he rolls out of bed and out the door he will have a label placed on him. I am victim to this, time and time again. I can’t just be a handsome, well-raised, well-dressed and well-spoken black man. No sir, that would be ridiculous, everyone knows there’s no such thing. I have to either be a pretty boy, metrosexual, or gay because we all know men of color can’t have any of those attributes without SOMETHING being amiss. But I digress, I’ll leave the discussion of race and style for another post.

For the record: I am not a homosexual. Though I may not understand the psychological aspect of being homosexual, I respect and support the right to love who you want and live the way you want to live within the boundaries of the law. It’s sometimes a struggle to support my stance because of religious reasons, but to deny a person their right is also wrong.

With that said, the attention and questions I get for being a straight male passionate about pursuing a career in fashion boggles my mind. Yes, I said boggles. I am fully aware that it is considered a “gay man’s industry”. It has so for a long time. But what I can’t figure out for the life of me is why are we so caught up in this hype? Fashion and style is SUPPOSED to be seamless, pun intended. When I got out of the military I just wanted to share my ideas and opinions. It feels like I have to fight to be myself. I feel like to be a straight man in this industry I have to fight to be accepted.

I suppose I feel the same as homosexuals have felt when they want to be accepted into other walks of life.

I don’t want it to seem like I get discriminated against because I am not a homosexual. On the contrary, I get scrutinized because I am a straight man trying find my niche inside an industry widely viewed for its flamboyancy. Where homosexuality is as common as lapels on blazers and laces on shoes. Maybe I’m just a victim of my environment. Maybe where I live, Hampton Roads Virginia; or where I’m from, Erie, Pennsylvania, just hasn’t caught on to ‘it’ yet. Maybe.

I am becoming to fully understand the recent political events causing a stir in America. People as a whole just want to be accepted. That’s all. We just want to be able to walk down the street without someone pulling each and every loose thread hanging from our fabric. We want to be ourselves, whoever we think that may be.

Soul Brotha #1

The Ruler’s Back.

 Kudos to GQ for doing a cover story on R&B soul singer D’Angelo. For those who don’t know, D’Angelo was one of the pioneers of ‘Neo Soul’ music in the 90s.  His critically acclaimed album titled “Brown Sugar”, is what many say gave the Neo Soul movement its commercial credibility. For little over a decade however, D’Angelo has been MIA, having released no new music of his own or conducted any interviews. Coupled with some run-ins with the law, the streets thought D’Angelo had seen his better days. Fortunately, rumor has it that he has new music in the works, with a European tour already in progress.  It’s good to see he has gotten back on track and poised to drop some gems in an industry extremely lacking substance.

Bigger Than Life

Good Day, Gentlemen. Today I would like to offer advice to the men who have difficulty finding the clothes to literally “fit your style”. Gentlemen that search literally high and awkwardly low to find a good look, fit and price for wardrobe. Yes, I’m talking to you Big and Tall shopper. The B&T Gentleman is not so much a rare breed as much his resources are limited. Also, much patience is needed to find clothes that fit well AND look good on your body type. Fortunately, being a man of six feet one inch I don’t have too many issues finding clothes because I am right on the cusp of being well proportioned.

I’m just saying… I clean up nice.

Enough about me, let’s get back on track. A friend of mine asked what was my opinion about B&T style; himself being about a 6’4 ex-SpecWar sailor with broad shoulders, long legs and arms. He finds it difficult to find quality clothing that fits well and looks good (remember: FITS WELL and LOOKS GOOD, I can’t emphasize that enough). He rocks a very casual, laid back good-looking style. He likes retailers like Banana Republic, and J. Crew. He doesn’t prefer to shop online because it’s like rolling the dice when purchasing items you can’t try on first. So here is my advice to him, and all other B&T Gentleman willing to listen.

I’m going to keep this limited to the Gentleman who are taller than average; I may touch on some things for my bigger around the waist Gents, but for now this will be for the tall and lanky.

1. Know the type of look you are going for.

If you are concerned with the clothes, then you are concerned with your image. Meaning in this world that we live in, image is everything, and looking good is just as important as knowing it is you’re talking about. On second thought, today if you look good you get a pass, but that’s neither here nor there. Know if you want to rock a more casual, preppy, vintage, minimalistic, trendy, or designer look. It will also help you form a budget, and that my friends, is something that is also very important: To look good AND not having to break the bank doing so. This will edit your search area tremendously. Speaking of which…

2. Do some research.

The thing about style is that it rarely sneaks up on you. You don’t just wake up one day with a feel of “what goes with what”. I urge you to research,Gentleman! In our day and age the world is at your fingertips. I still need inspiration and I am positive the most stylish and famously successful Gents are constantly building their knowledge on styles and fashion. My Number 1 inspiration is the streets, hands down. I take mental notes on how someone wore an article of clothing, or an entire outfit, and make it my own by adding something to it. I also buy men’s fashion and lifestyle magazines to stay in tune with the mainstream. I scour the internet looking at pictures of men from the 1920s, 30s, 40s and 50s to see what they wore. I read men’s fashion blogs to see what others are writing about and wearing. As effortless style can be it takes a lot of work and pre-planning! You have to be willing to look and find what you like.

2. Know your measurements.

Never, ever, ever, ever leave your house to go shopping without having a game plan. Doing so leads to one of two things, maybe even a combination of both: Frustration and impulse shopping. You’re either going to waste hours “just looking” for something and you don’t even have an idea you’re looking for, or you’re going to buy the first thing you see at the first store you enter. Here’s a tip – find a store that does in house tailoring, such as Nordstrom, Dillard’s, Macy’s, Mens Warehouse, or Neiman Marcus, and ask to be measured. It’s free. Take note of these measurements, either plug them into your phone or use pen and pad, but knowing them is crucial. It cuts time and stress to know what retailers/designers offer your sizes. When it’s all said and done you should know your waist size, inseam, neck width and arm length, shoe size, underwear size (you’d be surprised by the number of men who don’t wear the correct fit of underwear HINT: they should be snug and supportive), etc.

3. Have patience.

Probably most importantly, have patience. Very few retailers have a B&T section in store. However, you want to search for a store in your area with such a section so you can try on clothes and actually see how they fit. I cannot stress enough how important it is for B&T men to try on all clothing before you buy. In addition to try before you buy, be willing to spend a little more to get clothing altered. Most designers have general sizes, and spending a little extra to ensure a good look really pays off in the end. Retailers such as Nordstrom is an excellent example of this. The personal experience the sales associates offer is what sets them apart from others.

I live in the Hampton Roads, Virginia area. The first retailer I suggested to the friend I spoke of earlier was Dillard’s. In no way am I endorsing Dillard’s as the première resource for men’s fashion, but they do have an impressive B&T selection, good designers, and great sales. Also, I am a product of my environment; easy access fuels my buying habits. Some may suggest Casual XL, which specializes in B&T clothing. In my opinion it’s a hit or miss, though there is no such thing having too many resources.

Now that we have the basics down, I want to focus on fits and patterns. These aspects are important because it can make or break your look. Being a bigger Gentleman means you stand out more, and the patters or fit will REALLY stand out on you. Things to mention, thin vertical lines and bright colors are something not to be afraid of. Though mainstream philosophy would have you believe horizontal stripes and dark colors give the ideal aesthetic, be brave and go with subtle vertical pin stripes and brighter colors. Try different things, then try some other things, then try some more things.

Big and Tall Gentleman, your physique is unique, and being unique isn’t a flaw, it’s a blessing. Use your physique to make a statement. A big, bold statement. Peace.

MAY-be

Good Morning Gentleman. On this first day of May it seems Spring is in full effect, and so should be you! There has never been a more perfect time to get started on what you wish to accomplish than the present time. Claim your dream and own it. With me, my dream is to become a menswear designer, a men’s stylist, and an art teacher. I have huge aspirations. But I will never reach these goals if I continue to state “This is what I want to be”. I have to claim what I am becoming and own that title. Currently I am enrolled in a Bachelor’s degree program at the Art Institute of Virginia Beach for Fashion Marketing and Merchandising. Everything I do in my life is based on the fact I want to be a designer, stylist and teacher. So I play the part. I dress and present myself a certain way that reflects my maturity, responsibility, and knowledge of my field. I designed and bought business cards that label me as a Menswear designer and stylist so when I meet and network with people, they will have a visual reminder of me and what I stand for. (Side Note: Network at every possible opportunity! You never know where a casual encounter and conversation may lead. Remember: Everyone knows someone.) What I’ve learned is when I assume these titles, even though I am not getting paid as a designer or stylist, I open myself up for opportunities. Remember you are what you do. I challenge you to adopt the same mentality. Don’t let your dreams become something that “May” have happened. As always Gentlemen, Peace and Respect.

Get On It!

Good morning Gentleman. Firstly, I would like to apologize for the long absence. I took some time to focus on school and once the quarter ended I took some time to relax and escape the world. Now that my mind is right and school’s Spring quarter has begun I feel refocused and reinvigorated.

I’m going to try to keep this post short and sweet. I am the type of man that works hard to obtain whatever goal I am trying to reach. So much so I tend to get tunnel vision, focusing so much on one particular area of my life that I sometimes partially or totally neglect something else that requires attention. I didn’t notice this until my beautiful woman brought this fact to light. Fortunately she has a gift to know what to say to me and exactly how I need to hear it. More importantly, I didn’t take it personal. I was able to receive that message and now I’m ready to apply it to my life. My point is a lot of us tend to have this problem. We believe things are going well, but what we don’t realize that life is more than just point A and point B. It requires 360 degrees of awareness, if that makes sense. Yes attending to every little detail of life can be a pain, and yes it can be a burden. What I recommend is a planner, a daily schedule, or some other structured plan to properly manage your time and finances. This is good because if you see your plans written down it can act as a visual aid to help you in obtaining those goals.

I’ve challenged myself, and I challenge you to do the same. As always Gentleman, Peace and Respect.